So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
