College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Green mimosas i think yes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
