The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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