I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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