i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize