Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
