i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
