I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
