I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
