Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
