just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
