Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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