WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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