the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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