I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
