Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
