I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and she was petting her beer can
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
