Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
