1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
