im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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