You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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