He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize