My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
