dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
