Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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