How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
