Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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