you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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