Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Acid is not a monday night drug
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Randomize
