Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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