so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
