She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
