Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
