when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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