We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
