i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
