Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
