How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
