I want to stick my p in your. b.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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