dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
