you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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