Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
