If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
