3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
