I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
