The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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