why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
