And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
