i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
