Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
