went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
