At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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