just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
