I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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