I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
