Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
