my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I love you. Go after that dick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
