I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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