So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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