I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
