Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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