She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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