Well apparently he's into motor boating.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize