Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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