i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize