why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Oh god it's open bar.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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