you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
