Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
