You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
