Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
