dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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